countdown to some changes....i think its end of a chapter...will soon be beginning a new...whatever the use of this blog...its gonna end now....i think i will start a new blog with some new perceptions.

http://mysilentdiary.blogspot.com/

COUNTDOWN...................

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i feel sooooooooooo lazy to blog.or do anything for that matters.thoughts of having togoback to college is freaking me out.i so dont want to see anybody's face,[no reason] neither do i wanna open another book for as long as possible.

For the last few days i feel like an unopened trunk ...the ones that give off a strange woody musk on opening,that reminds you of the birch and cherry trees atop some untrodden icy peaks; quite a lot like the old and worn out one underneath my grandpas bed, with a crimson satiny lining around,even those linings have been moth affected with time.Its beautiful to sink in the smell of napthalenes and old books.
As a kid i had a lil crisis secernating facts from fiction ...the smell of antique dusts filled in gaps in my memory with fabrications that i wanted to believe to be facts,and it served me a nice royal cushion made of the softest plumes,and everytime i thought there was nothing more to unravel about the box...it showed its other dimensions for me to disengage.I guess am feeling comfortable and more at peace doing things I never thought i could...its not that i transformed much...but i do feel at ease....not having to borrow others' dreams and making them my own...i have my own to follow.

It rained hard the morning I was born…dad had often narrated the amount of water logging that forced most of my relatives to wade through the knee deep water to reach the nursing home…that and the blue towel they wrapped me in had been a favorite point of reminiscence for them…since then till now I have always had incessant downpours on every 4th of July…even the day I was taken for my first swimming lessons it drizzled softly caressing the pool water with soft pattering as I stayed underwater holding my breath trying to squint back at the sky, which had taken a different hue and appeared to float away…and I always imagined it will probably pour buckets on me throughout my journey during every happy occasion….except that one nebulous afternoon bereft of emotions when dreams were exchanged in favor of a better and feasible option…it rained harder than I expected.

Last night too I had entered the House through its front gates …my grandpa always likes to say that a 5 year old me still plays hide n seek in its every corner…the House still looked the same under the weak and tremulous moonlight…someone still stood leaning out from the verandah overlooking the garden which had long not been worked upon…the dark overgrown hedges singing a cryptic tune with the wind that silenced its every twig…. the ‘bel ful’,‘jui ful’ trees which used to supply the flowers for grandma’s morning puja looked more haunted by their own existence….but I wondered who was still standing there….she looked very familiar…standing alone…hiding from the rest of the household who were almost combing down the entire three storied house in search of a tiny being who had refused to have lunch and had run away…she stood there engrossed at the diminutive world that lived and breathed in her make-believe land in the garden. By now she has forgotten all about the hide n seek.

I had cried the day we had talks of selling the house…I know Bumpy had cried in his bed in Delhi…. but I also know there were no options with both my grandparents growing weak and fragile with age…ma had no other option but to bring them nearer to our place so that she could cater to their needs faster and swifter. Except it had sliced a part of my childhood from my being…both of ours.

It still comes in my dreams no matter how hard I try to keep it away…every night in every different form. And every time the sun sinks below the horizon leaving only fluffs of orange to be merged in the paleness or maybe the times the wind blows harder than usual, cordially inviting the dark storm clouds I think I still run out to stand in those recherché greens till my body has managed to soak the last drop amidst the dark pools of fantasy.i am still there.

things look painstakingly perfect before you decide to set afoot the shaky bridge.....discovered my worst trait which sort of obviated my need for a character make-over to evolve into a stronger ruder self....i could just about sharpen the blunt edges of what i already have.....

last night i thought i was suffocating to death...its like someone was forcefully trying to submerse me into a filled bathtub...and i could only return an incapacitated stare...and i still dont know whether it was because of my 4 hour flight that made me feel that way or was i actually breathless...or maybe the mounting tension of a few stuffs....apparently my parents thought i had gone crazy .....maybe they were right cuz today morning onwards am as fit as new...i hate the feeling and its not just about life or death which is trivial to the wide range of subjects that clog my mind every half seconds ...at any day i hate feeling powerless ....

Gosh am slowly becoming the Tag Queen with so many of it on the same page!!!But here goes another one.
1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER? Jodha Akbar but caught the screenings of The Last King of Scotland and Memories of Underdevelopment at a film fest.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?The castle by Kafka
3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?ludo,scrabbles
4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? nothing in particular but i usually almost always check the comics part .
5. FAVORITE SMELLS?the smell of wet earth after a shower,jasmine,the salty smell of the sea.
6. FAVORITE SOUND? roaring waves...and sometimes silence.
7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? feeling deprived and unwanted.
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE? got to make it exciting.
9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? pizza hut
10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Gablu and Rai after aa very special person
11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D...?doing everything i do at present but without having to bug dad.
12.DO YOU DRIVE FAST?no i am a sensible driver.
13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?No
14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?cool
15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?a truck...toy ofcourse with red yellow borders
16. FAVORITE DRINK?mmmmmmmmm.....
17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD :be travelling a lot,finishing more books and bird watching
18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?nahiiiiiiiii
19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?jet black, mines kinda reddish ...i want the dark gothic black hair .
20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN:in kolkata, been to delhi n bangalore .
21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?cat fights :-
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.'Hawt' ;) n Sweet
23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?nothing .its as clean as can be.
24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?yes oh yes!!!
25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?morning person
26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?sunny side up
27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?on my bed
28. FAVORITE PIE?to be served with vanilla icecream surely
29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?i like the ferrero roche gelato [will it count for ice cream?]
30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? i am not tagging anyone .